Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
