You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i would punch a child for taco bell
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
