There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
