My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
