we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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