Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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