If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
