she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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