paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
