Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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