Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
