we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
