She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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