I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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