So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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