I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
