dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize