Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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