First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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