I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
