i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need a burrito and a hug.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
