He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
