More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
