..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
