I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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