physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
