Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
