Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
