If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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