i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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