Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
