Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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