Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
