What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
