Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
