one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
