I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
