2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
