I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
