He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
