Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.

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(925): View more from California

i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on

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(732): View more from New Jersey

That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms

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(513): View more from Ohio

I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.

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(775): View more from Nevada

The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that

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(269): View more from Michigan

I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.

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