can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize