You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
