Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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