oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
