I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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