Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one

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(785): View more from Kansas

you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it

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(415): View more from California

He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her

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(817): View more from Texas

It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups

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