After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
