If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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