I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
