i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
