so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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