he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
