My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
