Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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