i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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