Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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