he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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