i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
