Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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