Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Text me some of your sweat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
