you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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