Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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