if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
