Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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