they need to just BURY HIM!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
