just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
