we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize