Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
