In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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