If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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