no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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