I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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