Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
